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Crime-Be-Gone - Fence-O-Matic!

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'Where was the TSA?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'It's okay, it's our audible fish alarm.'

Alarmistclock

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

"It's time to wake up!"

"I realize you don't want to miss that important business call next week, but setting your alarm to go off every 10 minutes until then is getting really annoying."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

Biro Security

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'Your father installed a security system.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'I've got to wake up extra early tomorrow morning. Any clue how to set this thing?'