Security System Aficionado T-Shirts

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'Did you remember to lock the house?'

'This car has a very sophisticated security system! Your dad kicked the tire and it kicked him back.'

'No, we don't need Double Moating! Now go away!'

"I thought I heard something happening down stairs?"

"Our security is so tight even out security cameos are under surveillance."

'Where was the TSA?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

CCTV in church.

The Ayatollah Bomb?

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

Automation of Security

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'Your father installed a security system.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

'Halt! User name and password.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

Beware of dog armed with cloaking device.

Every time I try to warn people about the threat level, they say, surely, you jest.