Security System Fanatic T-Shirts

'Bob installed a lazer security system. He's a little protective of his new car.'

'Where was the TSA?'

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

The Ayatollah Bomb?

Biro Security

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

Automation of Security

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Halt! User name and password.'

'Wi-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!'

Beware of dog armed with cloaking device.

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

ACL-To Hell With-U.

Every time I try to warn people about the threat level, they say, surely, you jest.

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'