Security System Fanatic Pillows

'Bob installed a lazer security system. He's a little protective of his new car.'

'Where was the TSA?'

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

Automation of Security

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

'Halt! User name and password.'

Every time I try to warn people about the threat level, they say, surely, you jest.

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

Beware of the dog.

Beware of dog armed with cloaking device.

"Your calls may be monitored for training purposes..."

ACL-To Hell With-U.