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Safety

'And if he does get through the invisible fence, our drone will zap him from 40,000 feet.'

Home Protected by 2nd Amendment Scholar

Gated Community: 'Can I come in?'

"Nothing like relaxing with a beer and watching live surveillance video of your home."

"Donald hates visitors."

"I'm trying to deter thieves from stealing our packages."

'Where was the TSA?'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

Biro Security

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Your father installed a security system.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"