Airplane Maintenance Worker Gifts

Jet Liner Wipes 'I tell ya, cleanin' the fuselage used to be my least favorite job...'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Employee of the Month Parking

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

Mechanics, their forks ready, prepare to deice the chocolate off a plane.

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

RAF plane ride.

Old fashioned aeroplane with propeller.

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

'Time used to fly, but with lost luggage, rising costs and delays, it's taking the train.'

Airline baggage check in with no custom

"Be careful - we've seen an alarming increase in the number of plane strikes."

"At this time boarding first will be all first class passengers, a.k.a. the more important people on this flight."

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'I usually fly first class but it doesn't compare to this super-duper, extra special, state-of-the-art, WOW class.'

"We have room on flight 24 for your luggage, but not for you."

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

"The captain asks everyone switch their phones to airplane mode -- He wants to go faster."

"The air feels cleaner, for some reason."

'Fasten yourself to your seats please.'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

Flight Crew Holiday Treats

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."