Airplane Maintenance Worker Gifts

Jet Liner Wipes 'I tell ya, cleanin' the fuselage used to be my least favorite job...'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Employee of the Month Parking

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

Mechanics, their forks ready, prepare to deice the chocolate off a plane.

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

RAF plane ride.

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

Old fashioned aeroplane with propeller.

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

'Time used to fly, but with lost luggage, rising costs and delays, it's taking the train.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"Be careful - we've seen an alarming increase in the number of plane strikes."

"At this time boarding first will be all first class passengers, a.k.a. the more important people on this flight."

Airline baggage check in with no custom

'I usually fly first class but it doesn't compare to this super-duper, extra special, state-of-the-art, WOW class.'

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

"The captain asks everyone switch their phones to airplane mode -- He wants to go faster."

"We have room on flight 24 for your luggage, but not for you."

'Fasten yourself to your seats please.'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"The air feels cleaner, for some reason."

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

Flight Crew Holiday Treats