Air Mile Enthusiast Gifts

'Hey, Pam, what do you think? I get extra air miles for using my own transportation!'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"How's my tripping you up?"

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

"I know it's only our second date, and stop me if I'm moving too fast, but, would you non-rev with me?"

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

We never fly anywhere anymore.

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'My mentor and role model was a frequent flyer.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but there is a 25 surcharge to use the lavatory,'

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"I can't believe they put us in dog class!"

"That's why you're so familiar, we flew together yesterday!"

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...