Ai Jesters Pillows

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

'Are we nearly there yet?'

Dog walking Human.

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"You know very well what fish!"

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

'Artificial intelligence is overrated. We find most people prefer the user-friendly advantage of artificial stupidity.'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

"I'm not doodling. I'm illuminating my homework."

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

Sign On Door of Dept. Of Neanderthal Literature - Out Eat Back.

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

Conflicted Chief

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

'I've just had a terrible nightmare that we were living sensibly, within our budget!'

'The justice will be swift - the attorney fees, swifter.'

Looking for a cool cat.

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

Where legal teams but their outfits.

"Your Honor, the state has every reason to consider the defendant an extremely high flight risk."

'The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? That doesn't allow for much flexibility.'

'Mr. Justice, must you keep repeating 'nobody can fire me, nobody can dire me, nobody can dire me'?'

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'