Afterlife Jesters Pillows

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Pumping up wig in blender.

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

'Sorry, kids, I forgot we live in Michigan.'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"Not the God I expected."

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

Bus Stop - 49 Bus Reputed Sightings.

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

'You're not dead! Get back down there and keep living until we tell you it's time to come up here!'

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

'You weren't always faithful so some of your prayers went to God's spam.'

'I never should have downloaded that Mafia ring tone.'

Heaven - Hard Hat Area

I knew those onion rings would be the end of me.

Washing Hands

I told you to get a moonroof, but nooo

Municipal Court. Plus six months for breaking my little hammer!

"Two weeks quarantine before coming through the gate." (man at the gates of Heaven, being told there is a quarantine"

"Drop money in the hat, or I have a paypal account if you prefer paperless."