Agrarian Investor T-Shirts

'Well Leaman Bros. is down 3 points and shell is up 1 1/2% but the Dow and the FTSE is looking iffey!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

Animal worries.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"You should consider buying."

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

'Harley manages our most aggressive growth fund.'

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

The Rudges' peaceful home

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

"The only time he lets 'em out is when he wants the lawn mooing."

'One look at you and I thought 'footsie world stock fund.''

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

Low-Rent Stockholders

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"