Agrarian Investor Gifts

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Animal worries.

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"You should consider buying."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

'Harley manages our most aggressive growth fund.'

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

The Rudges' peaceful home

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"The only time he lets 'em out is when he wants the lawn mooing."

'One look at you and I thought 'footsie world stock fund.''

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

Low-Rent Stockholders

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'