Aging Process Ponderer T-Shirts

"I thought this would be the year I'd come for you, but I guess not. So I got you a birthday card instead!"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

Caption Contest TK

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."

'I'm too small for my age: I keep being rejected...'

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

The Collective Unconscious

Bipolar bear.

'Don't you find watching people relaxing?'

"Could I be PATHOLOGICALLY normal?"