Ageing Ponderer T-Shirts

". . . I remember hair. . ."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Sex Education

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'