Aging Pets Gifts

"Relax, Sparky! Doctors say bone loss is normal at our age!"

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

"Why don't they come up with a breed that'll live longer?"

"Meh. Bones are ok. But just once I'd like to sink my toothless gums into a delicious meatloaf."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Why bother?"

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I don't know who you are!"

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

"I'm here for the hair."