Aging Hero Gifts

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Old Karate Master

"I noticed a few browns."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Baldness Facts

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'I see you hold degrees in both medicine and law - But tell me, Henderson; do use these powers for good or for evil?'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Aging Sign # 23: you're dehydrated and yet up peeing all night.

"I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

I once flew faster than a speeding bullet

Giant sandwich bags.

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

Middle Age Spread.

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.