Agency Aficionado Gifts

FBI, 'Things are slow, Bensonhurst -- let's investigate the CIA.'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

Important Food Groups

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

Honesty in retail

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Roads with a view.

Eat Beef

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"Here's the marketing department's solution."