Agency Aficionado Gifts

FBI, 'Things are slow, Bensonhurst -- let's investigate the CIA.'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

Important Food Groups

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Honesty in retail

News for Sale

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

Eat Beef

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Roads with a view.

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'