Personal Ad Aficionado Gifts

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Eat Beef

Honesty in retail

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

News for Sale

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Roads with a view.

Gerald Ratner's return

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"Here's the marketing department's solution."

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

'With 5% spent on talent, 5% on production, and 90% on marketing...I smell WINNER!'