Age Denier Pillows

"Since you insist on imagining yourself as always 39 years old, I thought it only appropriate to invite all your imaginary friends."

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Mum! Come and see the coffee-table I've made with my new tool-set!'

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"You're right, they are statins."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

'Don't worry, she's going to hold the nails.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

"It's my 39th birthday, and I'm not dealing with it well. What's wrong with me?"

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

'I want something to make me look younger.'

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

Scientific Research: 'Does your research on the sunset include the observation of the sunrise?'

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

The Fountain of Youth.

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

"She just uses all that make-up to hide her age."

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

My birthday suit is out of fashion.