Age Denier Pillows

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Mum! Come and see the coffee-table I've made with my new tool-set!'

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'Don't worry, she's going to hold the nails.'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

'I want something to make me look younger.'

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

Scientific Research: 'Does your research on the sunset include the observation of the sunrise?'

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

The Fountain of Youth.

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

"Joining the Army was great for me son; he learned a skill and gained a world of self confidence. Of course, he still won't clean his room."