Number Deniers Pillows

"What did you get in your big history test?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Gloat

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

The United States Public Debt.

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Consumption Graph.

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

"For this year's financial picture, we've done away with graphs."

'Mathematician's Rap.'

"I know it seems cruel, but it's the only way for him to get rid of that silly technophobia."

"I don't ever want you taken away, son. Never get into subtraction."

"Stand aside - I'm a doctor of letters, not numbers, but I'll do what I can!"