Age-conscious Navigator Pillows

You Know You're Old When...

"Your contents have shifted."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"Boy, that's what I call a maze."

Weird things I do because of the internet

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"I was pretty highly respected until email came along."

"You kids are losing your ability to communicate person-to-person...so we're having a good old-fashioned family talk!"

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'Data, data everywhere!'

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

"I'll make a deal with you! If you stop singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, I'll help you finish your requirements!"

'Well we don't have to worry about paying for the boat anymore.This is our final notice.'

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"Technology's taken the romance out of off-shore banking."

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

'Maybe next year Santa will bring you the software.'

"You give your kid an allownace, plus a tech support fee? And I thought I was the only one."

"I'd say my greatest personal achievement would be 93 Likes."

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

'Just give her a chance to cool down. It's probably hormonal.'