Aging Gracefully Navigator Pillows

'I'd like to trade him in under the 'cash for clunkers' program.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Parts Department

"I noticed a few browns."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Aging Problems

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

Don't have a hot flush....

"I come from the future."

"You're right, they are statins."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'