Age-conscious Explorer Gifts

'I wish you would stop calling my birthday a historical re-enactment!'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

Duel in a wheelchair.

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

Pubertry

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

You Know You're Old When...

"Try to remember, you're not 70 any more."

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'With the price of petrol, I had to take on a second job to pay for the petrol to drive to my first job!'

Climb to the moon on a tower of waste.

Millennials in the Year 2050...

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

'My doctor's given me the all-clear for our Reunion tour.'

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

'Are we nearly there yet?'

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

"Here's the problem, I grabbed the wrong map. This isn't the Fountain of Youth. This is the Fountain of Middle Age."

"Be honest- how does it look? I had to leave my laugh lines in for Bill."

Wow, a thousand-year-old artifact! What a discovery! 2019. Wow, a patch of land not buried in thousand-year-old useless artifacts! What a discovery! 3019.

"It's a digital tattoo. It changes every time it's no longer age appropriate."