Afterlife Jokers Gifts

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

Special Place in Hell...

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

I'm afraid of heights.

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

"Murchison is still in denial."

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

'That was Larry...always trying to improve himself.'

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'Can I be someone else's Guardian Angel? The guy's a bleeder.'

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

'Sorry. No football supporters.'

Man at Heavens gate being asked '...and what about the LBW decision on August 19th 1973...?'

'You must be new here. Most of us just hang around in our bathrobes'

"Well, well, well... We meet again at last!"

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

"Come on, Tom ... get an afterlife, will you?"

Boy, you were this close to getting in until I checked these photos of you on Facebook.