Advent Aficionado T-Shirts

"I've got a great deal for us...if we're willing to sponsor Christmas."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

Dead Funny

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

That one has all the batteries!

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

So you're a mocking bird...

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

Butterfly herders of the wild west.

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

The Last Leaf

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

Treasure Island Book.

Why would birdie need newspaper?

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."