Advent Aficionado Pillows

"I've got a great deal for us...if we're willing to sponsor Christmas."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

Dead Funny

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

The Last Leaf

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."