Administrative Humorist Gifts

'I'm a freelance bureaucrat, sir -- I'm here to order you around a little.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'