Addiction Stories Gifts

'I'm not sure you're being entirely truthful about having given up smoking.'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Silence of the Chickens...

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Moby Dick

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'I told you we should have done the balloon toss.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

Book market

'Please, Grandpa Turkey! Tell us about the Christmas massacre and the Thanksgiving bloodbath!'

So … how did you two meet?

"I wouldn't worry about the big bab wolf - he can't muster much puff."

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'