Active Lifestyles Gifts

How to read a modern roof rack.

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

Vegetarian Birds

The Mainstream

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

i-teddy

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

REPENT! Get back to nature

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

Elderly People

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

"My cardiologist taught me the value of heart work."

"You're too sedentary."

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

"I beg to differ."

Late Bloomers

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

"Try to remember, you're not 70 any more."

Astronaut Selfie.

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."