Action-adventure Skeptics Gifts

"I can't believe they advertised that movie as a cerebral, understated action-adventure, when it was clearly a mind-bending, quirky drama."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

Our super-heroes bravely battling a brutally blustery day!

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

Marine-LAPD Ridealongs

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

Workaholic on a cruise

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"Well, really, there's nothing that would stop us from actually working. It's just tradition that has us drones lazing around."

Stuntmen Directions

'So, were we entertained tonight, or just bludgeoned into submission?'

Life on Earth - Why bother?

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

"It wasn't as good as his first book, 'Eating Worms.'"

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

'Friend or foe?'

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

"Let's go to my sister's house. They have the 'Absolutely No Super Hero Movies Channel.'"

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

HD television.

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

What violent video game? We're watching the news.

"Sometimes I wish I were a character in a video game."

Man reading a giant book.

"What kind of idiot gets suckered into something like that?"

"Like many Americans, I allowed myself to believe the mainstream media’s distorted, dystopian portrait of President Trump. I no longer hold this belief..."

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

"Science fiction? Boring! It's always about gravity and blue skies and two-legged aliens. I prefer non-fiction."

'Shouldn't a cultural center have more to it than video games?'

'Okay, I'll wake you if there's a car chase.'