Accounting Jokes Pillows

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

I can't believe It!

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Ace Borrowing Company (formerly Ace Loan Company)

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

You're doing "taxes", huh? What's your high score?

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

"Nine lives is great, but the inheritance tax is what kills you."

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'

Cupid views his online credit rating.

'Could you please hurry, Teller, I need to make a deposit, and quickly.'

"Here's the sick squid I owe you. . ."

'I need a loan for a bypass. To bypass my wife. She holds the purse strings.'

'C'mon, gimme some extra bucks... I need a raise!'

Pretty soon it'll be spring, when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. I wonder if it's possible to get a bank loan to refinance my fancy. !

"I'm down here, enjoying a quiet beer at the stack-o'-bills-that-I-can't-pay cafe."

"Since interest rates are low, I'd like to refinance my bankruptcy."

'What's the worst thing about being a street person? -- the ATM fees, I guess.'

"Intraday I was really drunk."