Accounting Jokes Pillows

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

I can't believe It!

Ace Borrowing Company (formerly Ace Loan Company)

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

"Nine lives is great, but the inheritance tax is what kills you."

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"Here's the sick squid I owe you. . ."

'Could you please hurry, Teller, I need to make a deposit, and quickly.'

Cupid views his online credit rating.

'C'mon, gimme some extra bucks... I need a raise!'

'I need a loan for a bypass. To bypass my wife. She holds the purse strings.'

"I'm down here, enjoying a quiet beer at the stack-o'-bills-that-I-can't-pay cafe."

"Since interest rates are low, I'd like to refinance my bankruptcy."

"Intraday I was really drunk."

'What's the worst thing about being a street person? -- the ATM fees, I guess.'

Thrifty Credit Union