Accounting Day Gifts

"I like the numbers on this company. They show a very impressive acquittal to conviction ratio."

"First rule of accountancy, NEVER mention the shredder."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

Team Leader

Annual profits,

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

You can breed these if the environment is right.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."