Acceptance Into Medical School Pillows

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

"If I make it into medical school it'll be as a cadaver!"

"Poor chap has just discovered his daughter has got in to medical school!"

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

The MBA Draft

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

Pinara fund

'Cat Lit. You?'