Academy Trainer Gifts

At the Police Academy's annual Passing out parade.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Houston - you will Not believe this!"

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Hanging off every word...

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

'First of all, relax.'

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

Targets.

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'Leadership training.'

Mentors guide you through the maze.

'I miss the good old days!'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'