Teacher Trainer Gifts

"You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

A Puppet Named Juan

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Hanging off every word...

Robot Jogger

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

Targets.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'First of all, relax.'

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'Leadership training.'