Academic Integrity Officer Gifts

Ethics exam cheater.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

"We don't put up with sexist behaviour here, I just want you to see yourself as one of the chaps."

Man losing his honesty

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Rudy, did you realize it's illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote?...And that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend Patsy Marionette, for city council?"

Crisis of values

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

'I used to be a major player around here until I was side-lined by an ethics injury.'

Complete Intergrity - "Jeez, look at the tits on that broad!"

'It's best not to talk behind other people's back's, son. But if you must, the place to do it is in the media.'

"The ethics committee apologizes for running off to Vegas with company funds, and promises to work overtime to make amends."

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

"Tell me again. Do we weaponize, then monetize, or the other way around?"

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'