Absurdity Seeker Gifts

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

"Bad drawing."

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

Fido's begging days were over.

"Worse than giant clothespins, Ralph - Bauhaus designed alligators!"

'Passengers were on their way to a clown convention. We've 7 fatalities and 174 in hospital.'

"Damn odd way to get rid of dandruff!"

"Absolute bummer of a day. . . have you ever tried getting life insurance when you're supposed to be extinct?"

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Tourists and their Pets.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Crab with a clown face.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Barcode Dreams

Glance Exchange

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Valet park only"