Absurdity Seeker Pillows

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

"Bad drawing."

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

Fido's begging days were over.

"Worse than giant clothespins, Ralph - Bauhaus designed alligators!"

'Passengers were on their way to a clown convention. We've 7 fatalities and 174 in hospital.'

"Damn odd way to get rid of dandruff!"

"Absolute bummer of a day. . . have you ever tried getting life insurance when you're supposed to be extinct?"

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Tourists and their Pets.

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

Glance Exchange

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Bigfoot"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Crab with a clown face.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Barcode Dreams

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Zoo: No Hunting.

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'