Abstraction Aficionado Gifts

'This one's titled, 'Artist's Block'.'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

'Projectile painting.'

Pastorius wonders why.

Child's Drawing (With Elephantiasis)

It's a call from Tate modern.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"You're welcome."

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

Jackson Pollock Studio

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

"Vanessa has done a not bad de Kooning."

Lots of famous art may have been inspired by taxes. Jackson Pollack's "Number 5" could be a visual representation of global regulations. And perhaps Rodin's "The Thinker" is a man trying to understand those rules. Maybe Roy Lichtenstein's "Ohhh ... Alright ..." shows a woman being told to continue holding to get her tax question answered. And they there's Edvard Munch's "The Scream" ... Nothing makes you feel like that more than preparing a tax return!

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

Surreal ale

"Feel better, dear?"

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

I painted them all from memory.

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"Outré or simply bad?"

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

Morning and Afternoon Paintings