Abstract Art Aficionado Gifts

"But is it content?"

'There's nothing wrong with you -you're a Picasso.'

The curse that afflicts abstract painting.

A cat waits by a square mouse hole.

'I still don't get it.'

A post-modern abstract self portrait

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"Can you tell me where the Mondrians live?"

"How can I become a successful artist if you make me stay within the lines?"

'Art overload - even this is beginning to llke like kitsch.'

It was his last piece.

Kandinsky's bar.

I would love to have the time to knock off some museum quality art like that.

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.'

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

'My paintings are interactive. The viewer uses their imagination to fill in the blanks!'

Natürlich verstehst du es nicht. Er ist ein Künstler für Künstler.

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

Strange table

Art Intimidates Art.

"I took up abstract after a moment of clarity, I realised I couldn't do the proper stuff."

Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. - Management

Modern Art.

They spent ages trying to decide if the painting had, or had not, been vandalised.

'If life is supposed to be life-affirming, then why am I losing the will to live?'

A powerful statement of the artists' hunger for recognition.

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

"The upstairs toilet leaked so we decided to frame it and call it a Gerhard Richter."

"Ignore him George, the man is a complete Philistine."

Meet the artist

"They were only drawings, he said he liked the colour."

"It's called 'MISSED'."

"SOLD - for £30 million to the man with more money than sense!!"

Judith didn't last long as Picasso's muse

"With apologies. . ? I'd have put: 'You know where you can stick it!'"