Lover Of Abstract Art Gifts

'This artist must have really suffered! I'm getting stomach pains just looking at this.'

"If you don't mind, I'd rather have history be my judge."

"It's sculpt by numbers."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

Instructional guide to scribbling

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

The Thought Process.

'Projectile painting.'

It's a call from Tate modern.

"You're welcome."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Pastorius wonders why.

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"I feel your pain."

bird interprets modern art

Wagging Dog

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Jackson Pollock Studio

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

"He gets easily abstracted."

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

The Cremaster Cycle

"Vanessa has done a not bad de Kooning."

I painted them all from memory.

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Art Gallery.

Surreal ale