Abstract Painter Gifts

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

The Art Student.

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

Jack of all trades

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

The Artist

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Abstract Expressionism is definitely right for me at this stage of my career."

The DaVinci Code

Painting by the numbers for adults

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Painting clouds

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

(Camel paintings)

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Instructional guide to scribbling

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

Horti-Culture

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Distractions Of The Great

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Unfinished painting of a monster in a lake sits beside the lake with no painter in sight

Painting the Ceiling

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

The Thought Process.