Abstract Art Appreciator Gifts

Street map showing the Mondrian Museum

Security guard games.

"Damn. . . I forgot my reading glasses."

Thinking man's crumpet.

Pastorius wonders why.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Please tell me this is an abstract art piece and not one of our charts?"

"It's rubbish isn't it? I mean a child could do better than that."

Making Badgers

Unusual Staircase

"Oh, good! This says the artists is poor."

Figures 1 to 4.

Henry Moore.

'I call it Hairball in Blue.'

"And so one could say that my work examines art as an expression of objecthood where the object is neither the art nor the object but rather the practice of intentionality."

"Gesundheit."

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"Look, someone tattooed that building!"

Little Things

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'Projectile painting.'

It's a call from Tate modern.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're welcome."

Misunderstood artist

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Jackson Pollock Studio

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'