20th Anniversary Gifts

'I'm used to having my decisions overturned since I've been married 20 years.'

'I started this vineyard 20 years ago, with absolutely nothing, and today I can proudly say I don't have less.'

"Dear, after twenty years of marriage, I think it's time we talk about this possessiveness of yours."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

A senior moment.

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'What I need now is a good publicist...'

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

Happy Birthday!

'Since when did they change 50 years from 'Golden Anniversary' to 'Remote Control Anniversary?''

Dmitri Shostakovich

"The 10th anniversary gift is tin. I got Ralph a new tinfoil hat. He's more sedate with the extra channels."

Sidney Franklin & Ernest Hemingway

60 years of the Treaty of Rome

"I just hope that the twenty-twenties will be as roaring as the last lot."

'And here you can see one of the incredible boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

"I can't believe we've been married for 10 years and you never told me you had another leg!"

What a twenty-year home school reunion is like. ('Ellie-May! Come an' get yir dinner 'fore it gits cold!')

"I'm just as ambivalent about her as the day we met, fifty years ago."

Sixty

"You have a nice range of Golden Wedding Anniversary cards, but I'm looking for more Old 'un than Golden."

'Nope, a handmade coupon for 'one free backrub' ain't gonna cut it for our 25th Wedding Anniversary hon...'

Happy 100th Birthday

'I'm on century duty.'

Feliz Navidad! Thanks for 10 great years!

'Me, I'm in Risk Management, how about you?'

Legalize marijuana

'Yeah...I'm 100!'

'Next week will be our Silver Wedding Anniversary!'

Swans holding 50 balloons.

"You know what I want for our twentieth anniversary? A Dumpster."

'My husband says that for our twenty-fifth anniversary, he's going to spend 25 billable hours on me.'

'My husband has such a good memory: He's never missed a birthday or a wedding anniversary...'