Zen With A Twist Gifts

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Working from OM.

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

"Hold up ... where’s the ranch dressing?"

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

Zen Litter Box

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"My mental ink pen ran dry.

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

'Mr Gottlieb recently read one of those books on Japanese management techniques.'

Ignorance and Bliss

'Yup, might be time for a new gardener.'