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'I put all my worldly possessions on E-BU.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Zenemies.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Yoga.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

Guru.

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."

"Hoarder."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Enlightened Cursing

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.