Zen Devotees Pillows

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Working from OM.

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

Zen Litter Box

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

Zen Master Huineng

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

"My mental ink pen ran dry.

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."