Zany Zoologist T-Shirts

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'Please all just sit down and fasten your seat belts!!'

Luke Flywalker.

'I'm going to have to scan, it could take a while.'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'I like to give them a sporting chance.'

A zebra and a lion taking a selfie

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

'I don't know about you. But I'm eating my fill before I drag this carcass to the 'king of the beasts'.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

Naked Mole Rat

'White meat or dark?'

"This is my man cave."

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

'Is that beak or are you just happy to see me?'

Zoo warden attempting to impress woman visitor

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Ernie's spent his entire career studying one species. He says everything else is "irrelephant."

Animal Band.

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

"I tell you what, a broken tail is a major handicap..."

"So far so good, Bill's reverse psychology was working: no contenders had challenged him..."

'I got scared. Unfortunately, I was standing on a concrete floor at the time...'

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Zebra to lion: 'Is this a good time to talk to you about the sanctity of life?'

"Well yes, technically, I was laughing in the face of danger, but really, I was just terrified..."

Ophiologist

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

'... And here's one I made earlier.'

Predator stretches

"I'm having an identity crisis, Doc. I'm an unguligrade, but I feel like a digitigrade."