Youthful Negotiator Gifts

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

SALE

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

"Watch this! All the balls scattered at random around the table."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'I'll do your taxes for you, daddy, if you'll color these silly homework pictures for me.'

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

"Okay, it's a deal...you two pay me the same amount as your parents are, and I'll let you stay up an extra two hours."