Youth Sports Contender Gifts

'...If you really loved me, you'd transfer me to a preschool with a winning team.'

Football Fans

The trauma of losing.

"I AM at my usual position."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Hockey Season.

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

Multisports

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

A boy with a football

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'I don't mind being sent off Sir - but not during the warm-up!'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

"I have goals in life. Just last week I scored three goals!"

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"