Youth Sports Contender Gifts

'...If you really loved me, you'd transfer me to a preschool with a winning team.'

Football Fans

The trauma of losing.

"I AM at my usual position."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Hockey Season.

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

A boy with a football

Multisports

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Our coaches are from top college teams. Questions. Why aren't you in training? Sports Camp. Rotator cuff injury. Concussion. Back surgery. Counselor. Ok, campers. Let's show them what you've got! Excellent health insurance card representation!

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'I don't mind being sent off Sir - but not during the warm-up!'

"I have goals in life. Just last week I scored three goals!"

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."