Yogurt Appreciator T-Shirts

"Dear, will you sprint down to the store and get a box of wheat germ and a pint of yoghurt?"

Any time is cake o'clock

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'I don't do so much of the you-can't catch-me-I'm-the -gingerbread-man material these days...'

How lazy people decide what to eat

Cheese Pile

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

Mum! What's for dessert?! - 'Yoghurt!' - 'Vanilla?' - 'Peach Melba.' - 'Don't call childline, don't call childline, don't call childline, don't call childline.' - '' -

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

Thermidor Dali

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"Alas poor yoghurt - I knew it well..."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"Would you care to see a YouTube of your chicken when it was free ranging?"

Plane Yogurt.

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

"I can see that you're a cultured individual..."

Mum's Apple Pies With Acknowledgement to Dad

'Lady, you're steaming up my window!'

'You have an impressive cellar.'

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Burke isn't in right now. He ate some funky yogurt he found in the back of the fridge and he's in the bathroom - how shall I put this - promoting from within."

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

It's true what they say: Life at the top can be lonely...

Corporate urban legends

"Of course I'm polite, I'm cordial!"

Low fat diets.

Who needs Facebook friends when you've got billions of friendly gut bacteria?

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'